Monday, April 12, 2010
Nice guys DO finish last
So I am now going on 1 month unemployed. The lack of work and money is seriously depressing me and causing a total lack of motivation. I can't seem to keep the house clean, laundry done, and yard looking good. I want to, and it really bothers me that these things are not getting done, I just can't seem to find to energy to get up and do it. I seem to be becoming overwhelmed with the whole full time single dad thing, and I am afraid that right now I am not doing a very good job raising my children, although they do seem happy and are doing well in school. I need to get the divorce final, then maybe I will get some child support to help out with the expense of providing for 2 young boys. Finding a girlfriend is pretty much a lost cause, I mean really, who wants to date a guy that is unemployed, depressed, and unmotivated?! It's amazing how in such a short time one can go from getting by and catching up to falling farther behind and having to play catch up once again. If only I could find a job that is consistent and long-lasting, then I could get my shit together. I have learned how to be frugal and get by on very little, but I don't like it. Another thing I do not like is not being able to give my kids the things they want. At this point, it's all about needs, not wants. I NEED a job, I NEED to make money, I NEED to get the damn title for the Jeep that I have been trying to obtain for over 4 months now. I am out of shape, look like hell, and feel even worse. My health is waning, and there is no where to turn. My family is non existent with Mom in a Nursing Home with Alzheimer's, Dad in Colorado, and my sister and nieces are simply unavailable and unable to help in any way (they have their own problems to deal with). I feel all alone - on an island with no rescue in sight. I want to have a garage sale and just purge myself of all of the crap I have accumulated over the years so when I get kicked out of my house it will be easier to move, there is just so much. I am so close to losing everything I own and I am scared... no terrified really. I just don't know what I can do. I stare at the computer screen hoping something is going to pop up and fix all my problems, and I know that is absurd. I am not like this. I am usually very positive and upbeat. I guess all the stress has gotten to me and is changing my entire personality. I yell at the kids more and have far less patience than I normally do. I can't stand that every single night, I have to scream at my kids to go to sleep. They go in their room and just mess around, sometimes for hours after their bed time and this creates even more stress. How do you get kids to LISTEN to you and do what you tell them to?! Time-out does not work after bed time, pretty soon, everything will be out of their room except for beds. No more TV, books, toys... it just creates something for them to do besides what they are supposed to be doing. I hate being "mean" but life is leaving me no choice. I guess it's time to say "Screw everyone" and just become a complete asshole. Asshole guys seem to be better off anyway. I guess it is true what "they" say - Nice guys DO finish last.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
First Rambling
It is Easter, 2010... and there is not much good going on in my life.
As I sit here, an unemployed, single, father of three ( 2 full time, 1 step) I ponder my existence. I want to provide for my children much more than myself, yet these two entities are but one in the same, at least for the next 15 years or so until, hopefully, I have raised my boys to be good men, and my daughter to be a wise woman. But the future seems so bleak... and amazing, at the same time. I can't help but feel that something is going to happen that changes all of Humanity in the very near future. I am not a conspiracy theorist, but I see things differently than the majority I am sure. It just appears to me that we, as a species, are in store for an evolutionary change. I have read thesis papers on "The Law of Accelerating Returns", and I must say Kurzweil has some very interesting equations and ideas. Is "combining" the human brain and nano-computers the next step? (Side note, today was also the release of the Apple iPad) It seems that the science fiction of my youth has become the reality of my present. I have also studied the Mayan Calendar and all the theories surrounding 2012 and armageddon. The truth is, we simply do not know what is going to happen when we our Sun finds itself in universal alignment. A "Spiritual Awakening: Spirals of Time" is an interesting theory as well. Of course the problem I have with these theories is that they are based on the Earth as being the focal point and the center of the universe, which we know not to be correct.... the view would be different from Mars. That is not to say that something "cosmic" might happen, some kind of renewed awareness, but who knows? To me, it just feels like we are heading toward something "big".
Perhaps, and I am going to lose some people here, it will be the time when the truth of the existence of Aliens will become common knowledge, and not just that of the major governments of the World. A few years ago, Great Britain declassified much of it's documentation of UFO's and still, the phenomenon is neither proven, nor disproven. Cinema has both demonized and celebrated Aliens, and you can't turn on a cartoon without seeing Alien lifeforms. Are these small gestures to "wean" us on the idea that we are not alone in the Cosmos? I look at the Roswell Incident as something that did happen, and our government has been involved in a giant cover up ever since. Actually, I shouldn't say "our government" because our government officials are not privy to that information, not even the President. Suppose for a moment the Majestic-12 documents are real. Technology has definitely grown by astronomical proportions since the 40's, could it be from reverse engineering of Alien technology? We do owe a whole bunch to the micro-chip. Worth a mention are the Ancient Astronauts of which we have uncovered vast depictions of. The building of the Pyramids, both Egyptian and Mayan, and the artifacts left by almost all ancient cultures relating to "The Gods from the Sky". Even the Bible speaks of otherworldly beings, quite often actually.
Of course, I am a Missourian, the Show Me State, which means until I see an Alien or Alien craft up close and personal, I will remain objective. One point I cannot argue with though is, "Our sun is one of a 100 billion stars in our galaxy. Our galaxy is one of billions of galaxies populating the universe. It would be the height of presumption to think that we are the only living thing in that enormous immensity" – Wernher Von Braun, I have to agree, we humans are conceited, but really? The ONLY intelligent life form in the entire Cosmos? I don't think so.
As I sit here, an unemployed, single, father of three ( 2 full time, 1 step) I ponder my existence. I want to provide for my children much more than myself, yet these two entities are but one in the same, at least for the next 15 years or so until, hopefully, I have raised my boys to be good men, and my daughter to be a wise woman. But the future seems so bleak... and amazing, at the same time. I can't help but feel that something is going to happen that changes all of Humanity in the very near future. I am not a conspiracy theorist, but I see things differently than the majority I am sure. It just appears to me that we, as a species, are in store for an evolutionary change. I have read thesis papers on "The Law of Accelerating Returns", and I must say Kurzweil has some very interesting equations and ideas. Is "combining" the human brain and nano-computers the next step? (Side note, today was also the release of the Apple iPad) It seems that the science fiction of my youth has become the reality of my present. I have also studied the Mayan Calendar and all the theories surrounding 2012 and armageddon. The truth is, we simply do not know what is going to happen when we our Sun finds itself in universal alignment. A "Spiritual Awakening: Spirals of Time" is an interesting theory as well. Of course the problem I have with these theories is that they are based on the Earth as being the focal point and the center of the universe, which we know not to be correct.... the view would be different from Mars. That is not to say that something "cosmic" might happen, some kind of renewed awareness, but who knows? To me, it just feels like we are heading toward something "big".
Perhaps, and I am going to lose some people here, it will be the time when the truth of the existence of Aliens will become common knowledge, and not just that of the major governments of the World. A few years ago, Great Britain declassified much of it's documentation of UFO's and still, the phenomenon is neither proven, nor disproven. Cinema has both demonized and celebrated Aliens, and you can't turn on a cartoon without seeing Alien lifeforms. Are these small gestures to "wean" us on the idea that we are not alone in the Cosmos? I look at the Roswell Incident as something that did happen, and our government has been involved in a giant cover up ever since. Actually, I shouldn't say "our government" because our government officials are not privy to that information, not even the President. Suppose for a moment the Majestic-12 documents are real. Technology has definitely grown by astronomical proportions since the 40's, could it be from reverse engineering of Alien technology? We do owe a whole bunch to the micro-chip. Worth a mention are the Ancient Astronauts of which we have uncovered vast depictions of. The building of the Pyramids, both Egyptian and Mayan, and the artifacts left by almost all ancient cultures relating to "The Gods from the Sky". Even the Bible speaks of otherworldly beings, quite often actually.
Of course, I am a Missourian, the Show Me State, which means until I see an Alien or Alien craft up close and personal, I will remain objective. One point I cannot argue with though is, "Our sun is one of a 100 billion stars in our galaxy. Our galaxy is one of billions of galaxies populating the universe. It would be the height of presumption to think that we are the only living thing in that enormous immensity" – Wernher Von Braun, I have to agree, we humans are conceited, but really? The ONLY intelligent life form in the entire Cosmos? I don't think so.
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