Putting up with lies

Why do I do it? Why do I allow myself to live like this. The lies, the deceit... What have I done to deserve this treatment? I have forgiven time and time again things that for most would forever end a relationship. There is no pain like being played and deceived by the one you most love. I am a fool. A fool who believed in something so much that not even the worst act imaginable couldn't change my dream. I must let the dream go. I must face the reality that nothing will change. I have to think that everything I am told is a lie, because everything I have been told ... is a lie. It ends now. I can no longer allow myself to have pity. I can no longer allow myself to be treated in this way. I can no longer care. I must put her out of my heart and mind. I must take care of my kids and myself, no one else. I can't even be cordial, I must be tough. This situation will ruin my life if I allow it to go on. It all ends here and now. I must move forward and never look back.

Job History

Ok here we go... I have worked many places over the years, let's see if i can get them all here...

1983 - 1985 Commercial landscaping - KCMO - landscaper
1985 - 1986 Villa Ventura Retirement Community - KCMO - waiter
1986 - 1987 Mario's Italian Restaurant - KCMO - waiter
1987 - 1991 Dos Hombres Mexican Restaurant - KCMO - waiter/bartender
1991 - 1992 Cellular Sales - OPKS - Salesman
N-R-G Dance Club - Bouncer
1992 - 1993 Breckenridge Mountain Lodge - Breckenridge, CO - waiter/bartender
Joshua's Lounge - Breckenridge, CO - Doorman/bartender
1993 - 1995 Lotta Hotta - KCMO - General Manager (retail)
Dos Hombres - KCMO - Bartender
1995 - 1997 Cactus Moon Bar - Independence, MO - Bartender
1997 - 1998 Fat Chance - Independence, MO - Bartender/manager
54th Street Bar and Grill - KCMO - waiter/bartender/manager
Strother's - Lees Summit, MO - Waiter/bartender/manager
1998 - 2004 Lone Star Steakhouse and Saloon - Scottsdale, AZ - Waiter/bartender/corporate trainer/manager/general
manager
2004 - 2005 Fuel American Made Bar and Grill - OPKS - General Manager
2005 - 2008 Dos Hombres Mexican Restaurant - KCMO - General manager
2008 - 2010 Minsky's Pizza - Blue Springs, MO - General manager
2010 - present Comprehensive Flooring Solutions - KCMO - Flooring installer
Thirsty's Cantina - KCMO - Bartender/manager

The Sun

People believe that the Sun (or The Son, if you are religious) GIVES life, the Earth and Water NOURISH life, and Fire (or evil) DESTROYS life... in one form or another, all religions are based on the ancient humans breaking the sky into 12 parts, representing the time it takes the Earth to travel around the Sun. The ancient Zoroastrians had twelve commanders on the side of light (light being a symbol for the Sun), the Greeks imagined 12 Gods on mount Olympus, and many Gods have had 12 sons. Mithraists, and then Christians, believed that their saviour had 12 disciples, and Muslim Shi'as list 12 ruling Imams following Muhammad. Such holy persons are often depicted with a bright solar light around their heads... the Sun... but... the Sun is a ball of fire... that which gives life, and that which takes it away. The Sun personifies something that is full of "good" and at the same time, full of "evil"... much like the human race... or "created in His image"... I can do this all day but at the end of that day, you will not waver in what you have been taught and "believe" to be true, even if the proof is staring you in the face. There is a God... A Supreme Being... something on a realm of which humans are incapable of describing... I believe that... "Life" HAD to start SOMEWHERE, but I doubt very much it is limited to this small out of the way planet we call Home. In the vastness of the universe there MUST be many, many forms of life, most of which is much, much older than the life our planet, and some newer, and perhaps even some that are at the same stage of development. Of course, when you are talking trillions years since the "beginning" of our universe, the hypotheses are limitless... there are simply too many things that we as a race DO NOT KNOW at this stage of our development. However, I do believe that when a species becomes so powerful that it can literally destroy the planet which nourishes it, that species reaches a cross road. One path leads to a higher consciousness, the other to complete annihilation. I am not referring to "Global Warming" which is something I believe humans have no REAL control over, but Nuclear weapons that could destroy the World as we know it, and possibly wipe out our species all together. That cross road is before us now, the direction we take will change us forever. The Earth has harbored other life in the past that was wiped out, this we know as fact, it is one of the reasons that we are here today. Will we make the next jump, or go out like the dinosaurs? Only time will tell.... but one thing is for certain, when our Sun dies, the Earth will die...

Dissed, but why?

So I got reacquainted with a girl I knew in the past through facebook. It started out simple enough, we were fb friends, gave the occasional comment on status updates, chatted a little and time went on. I always thought she was cool and pretty, just never really "went for it"... until around the end of September. One night we started chatting on fb, the conversation then went to yahoo IM, and we talked for hours. We continued to talk daily, usually multiple times daily, and sometimes until very late in the night. Halloween was approaching, and she invited me to a Halloween Party her friends were throwing. We had matching costumes and had a BLAST at the party, in fact we clicked so well, that we went to her place that night. It was amazing that night, and then again in the morning. Our chats remained very frequent, it seemed we really started to like each other and we communicated very well. She came over to my house one weekend and we got to spend some time together. I went to her place before she flew out of town with her friend that had thrown the party and we attacked each other as soon as I walked in the door, again, it was amazing. She messaged me continually, even when out of town and out partying. We kept in contact multiple times daily and sometimes late into the night.
On the Sunday before Thanksgiving, her daughter and her got out their Christmas trees and decorations, and she made a comment that she was having a tough time with the holidays. The communication started to tail off, we still talked daily, a few times a day, and even made plans to see each other the following weekend. Then I didn't hear from her on Thursday night, as she was with her family. I didn't hear anything again all day Friday, Saturday afternoon came and I got a message from her that she had gone to the country to see more family, and her phone didn't work, that she would be home on Sunday. Sunday came, and nothing, then Monday came and went without a word. Now, I had been messaging her, 3x on Friday, and twice on Saturday before I knew she was out of town. I knew something was wrong, we had been in such close contact every day before this. I sent a message on Sunday that we needed to talk, yet never got a reply. I sent my last message on Monday and it said this:
I don't know if I "scared" you in some way, or if you felt I was getting "too close", or if maybe I am simply not "the guy" you are looking for... but either way, it's very unfair for you to just cut off all communication to me and leave me sitting here wondering "What happened?". I told you from the beginning that I was a "one woman" kind of guy, you told me last week that you were "all mine"... I thought things were going well, aside from the limited time we got to actually be together, so this sudden distance that you have put between us is really quite striking especially since there was no argument or disagreement that we ever had. I am not looking to smother you and I understand the stress level you have been under professionally lately and that Holidays can be tough times. I wanted to be someone you could talk to about those things, to support you, someone you can vent to, and someone who will listen and understand.
It felt like we got along very well, sex was amazing, communication was wide open... I just don't get it, and I would really like for you to enlighten me. I just simply didn't see a complete shut-off coming.
I will leave this totally in your court, but I will be here if/when you are ready to talk.

Again, no reply Monday night...

So here I sit, confused, a little upset, and heartbroken. Even though we hadn't been seeing each other for very long, I felt a real attachment to her. I think we felt it towards each other, at least, when we talked it appeared that way. I just don't see what went wrong, and I am not getting any answers from her. It's frustrating. I haven't slept well in a few nights and I check my email and instant messenger constantly in hopes I will see something from her... even if it is "Take a Hike!" at least it would be something. She said she "needed to work some things out" as the reason why she left town, and I wonder if she really even left town, but she had never lied before, so why would she now? All I can do is wait for a response, to continue to message her would be to look "needy" and maybe a little "stalkerish". I would fight/work/ do whatever to get things at least to the way they were, but if she won't talk then there is nothing I can do... except hope for the best, and plan for the worst.

My view on terrorism

Saddam was a terrorist. The fact that he used chemical WMD's in 1988, proves that he had the technology and ability to make WMD's and the insane mind set to use them. So whether or not there were any WMD's found at the time of the invasion, there was cause to remove him from power in order to protect the people of the Middle East and American interests in the region. Saddam was a mass murderer of his own people and others, the World is a better place without him.
Osama Bin Laden, unprovoked, attacked civilians on American Soil. Japan at least attacked a military installation, so the sheer insanity of killing thousands of helpless Americans is reason enough for me to hunt down his organization and eradicate everyone and everything associated with it.
Islam is obviously misunderstood by Western Civilization, and no one seems to have any clear answers about it. "Radical Islamics" doesn't make sense, there are no "levels" of Christianity. In my opinion, if the Koran says to "kill the infidel" in the name of Allah, then Islamic people should be considered dangerous enemies. The way the religion views women, and their "role" is archaic and barbaric. I am surprised whenever I find a woman who supports Islam - really? Now, I do believe in freedom of religion, of course, when a religion promotes the KILLING of anyone who is not a part of their religion, I think it should be viewed as a threat.
Humans have been at war with each other since before the species could stand up straight, we ARE part of the animal world, and certain instincts and survival techniques are ingrained in us. Religion made it possible for humans to co-exist peacefully within certain societies as I believe religion was a form of "law" for ancient peoples, and those religions, being separate and having their own values and rules, actually created confrontation between societies.
The only way to global peace would have to be a global consciousness where every society had an agreement about morality and what is "right" and what is "wrong" - until that happens, Humans will continue to kill each other over opposing ideals.

The End of the World 2012

SCIENTIFIC EXPERTS from around the world are predicting that five years from now, all life on Earth could well come to an end. Some are saying it’ll be humans that would set it off. Others believe that a natural phenomenon will be the cause. And the religious folks are saying it’ll be God himself who would press the stop button. The following are some likely arguments as to why the world would end by the year 2012.

Reason one: Mayan calendar

The first to predict 2012 as the end of the world were the Mayans, a bloodthirsty race that were good at two things -- building highly accurate astrological equipment out of stone and sacrificing virgins.

Thousands of years ago they managed to calculate the length of the lunar moon as 329.53020 days, only 34 seconds out. The Mayan calendar predicts that the earth will end on December 21, 2012. Given that they were pretty close to the mark with the lunar cycle, it’s likely they’ve got the end of the world right as well.

Reason two: Sun storms

Solar experts from around the world monitoring the sun have made a startling discovery. Our sun is in a bit of strife. The energy output of the sun is, like most things in nature, cyclic and it’s supposed to be in the middle of a period of relative stability. However, recent solar storms have been bombarding the earth with lot of radiation energy. It’s been knocking out power grids and destroying satellites. This activity is predicted to get worse and calculations suggest it’ll reach its deadly peak sometime in 2012.

Reason three: The atom smasher

Scientists in Europe have been building the world’s largest particle accelerator. Basically, its a 27 km tunnel designed to smash atoms together to find out what makes the universe tick. However, the mega-gadget has caused serious concern, with some scientists suggesting that it’s properly even a bad idea to turn it on in the first place. They’re predicting all manner of deadly results, including mini black holes. So when this machine is fired up for its first serious experiment in 2012, the world could be crushed into a super-dense blob the size of a basketball.

Reason four: The Bible says it

If having scientists warning us about the end of the world isn’t bad enough, religious folks are getting in on the act as well. Interpretations of the Christian Bible reveal that the date for Armageddon, the final battle between good an evil, has been set for 2012. The I Ching, also known as the Chinese Book of Changes, says the same thing, as do various sections of the Hindu teachings.

Reason five: Super volcano

Yellowstone National Park in United States is famous for its thermal springs and old faithful geyser. The reason for this is simple -- it’s sitting on top of the world’s biggest volcano and geological experts are beginning to get nervous sweats. The Yellowstone volcano has a pattern of erupting every 650,000 years or so, and we’re many years overdue for an explosion that will fill the atmosphere with ash, blocking the sun and plunging the earth into a frozen winter that could last up to 15,000 years. The pressure under the Yellowstone is building steadily, and geologists have set 2012 as a likely date for the big bang.

Reason six: The physicists

This one’s case of bog -- simple maths mathematics. Physicists at Berkely University have been crunching the numbers. They’ve determined that the earth is well overdue for a major catastrophic event. Even worse, they’re claiming that their calculations prove that we’re all going to die, very soon. They are also saying that their prediction comes with a certainty of 99 per cent; and 2012 just happens to be the best guess as to when it occurs.

Reason seven: Earth’s magnetic field

We all know the Earth is surrounded by a magnetic field that shields us from most of the sun’s radiation. What you might not know is that the magnetic poles we call North and South have a nasty habit of swapping places every 750,000 years or so -- and right now we’re about 30,000 years overdue. Scientists have noted that the poles are drifting apart roughly 20-30 kms each year, much faster than ever before, which points to a pole-shift being right around the corner. While the pole shift is under way, the magnetic field is disrupted and will eventually disappear, sometimes for up to 100 years. The result is enough UV outdoors to crisp your skin in seconds, killing everything it touches.

- taken from merinews.com

Close Call

It started off a typical July day in Kansas City. 95 degrees, horrid humidity, sunny. We had no work today, so Ted decided to go out to the sailboat at Lake Jacomo. Ted, Teddy, Lauren, and I packed up a few things and headed out to the Lake. We boarded the sailboat at the South Docks and Ted made the comment, "Without an experienced crew, it's too windy right now to sail." so with that, we started the small outboard engine and headed off to "Rocky Island", which isn't an island at all, simply a rocky shore at the North end of the Lake.
After reaching our destination, the kids played on shore and swam, Ted and I also took a dip and floated in the Lake just gabbing and taking in the Summer day. Around 3 o'clock, we decided it was time to start heading back to the dock so I could go pick up my kids from summer day camp.... and this is where it turns ugly.
We pulled and pulled, but the engine would not turn over. The wind had calmed to nothing, so at this point, sailing was not an option either. Then we noticed the clouds starting to move in. Big, dark, ugly clouds that was a sure sign that rain was on the way soon. We checked the gas lines, the fuel filter, anything we could to get the motor started. Upon further inspection, Ted noticed that the spark plug was very loose, so he removed it, we cleaned and replaced it the best we could while standing in waist deep water, but to no avail. The engine, of course, sputtered a few times, giving us a false sense of hope that it would start, but alas, it never would. The wind had picked up slightly, so in a flash the sails started to go up. I pushed us off from the shallows, and to get us out into the wind, then swam to the boat and got in. Then, to our surprise and amazement, a gust of wind.
The sails tightened up and off we were at 3.6 knots, but as quickly as the wind came up, we found ourselves in a "dead zone" of the Lake where the surrounding hills cut off the supply of wind. The sky was looking worse and worse with every passing moment and lightning was flashing all around us - and our 30 foot mast of a lightning rod. A Park Ranger who had been called by Ted's wife noticed us sitting in the water and came by, assuming that we were the stranded boat he had received the call about. He tied up to us and began towing the sailboat back to the South Docks. Ted worked feverishly with Lauren's help bringing down the sails and stowing the boat as I steered behind the Ranger trying to stay in line with him. The wind started picking up, and the sky looked to break loose as we docked the sailboat.
Stephanie met us at the dock, and Teddy, Lauren and I went with her immediately to go pick up my boys, leaving Ted to tie down and lock up the boat. Within minutes we were driving past Blue Springs Lake and made comments about the white caps on the otherwise usually calm Lake, and mentioned that the sky had grown even darker. Then Stephanie's phone rang, it was Ted. "In all my 40 years, I have never seen anything like this!" Ted had only been stowing the boat for a few minutes when the rain started, he headed up to the truck with the supplies we had taken, and he began to be pelted with hail. He even let out a "Lieutenant Dan" style yell at the storm - "YOU WONT GET ME!!! COME ON!!!" Moments later, sitting in his truck, to his amazement, a tornado formed right above him, it moved across the lake, and touched down on the other side, carving a path about 200 yards long in a matter of seconds, then disappeared back into the sky. The docks were rocking, boats were tossing and turning, their masts seemingly playing a game of "High 5" with each other. Moorings broke loose with a boat even taking part of the dock with it, debris was blowing everywhere, and lines snapped and frayed as the boats and dock were at the mercy of the storm.... we had made it by about 10 minutes.
After everyone was home, safe, and fixing our respective dinners, I called Ted, curious about what "might" have happened had we been at sail in the middle of Lake Jacomo when the storm blew in so suddenly and so strong. He answered very matter of factly - "We would have been on the bottom." I was unaware that sailboats are not like ski boats or jet skis, they aren't especially buoyant with a steel hull and once they go over, they go down. None of us had life jackets on and they were stowed in the cabin, so it's very possible (given the distance to the shore) that we would have drowned. I won't forget what the Park Ranger had said as he left us at the dock, "I have to go after someone else, you all have a good day." I wonder if that someone else and the Ranger made it back to the Marina, there are people out there who might not have been as lucky as we were.